This weeks rant - Lifting alone left me ill prepared for Crossfit.
If you’ve been reading any of my articles and I’m sure you have, because they are riveting and thoroughly entertaining, you’ll know that I am in full training mode. For most who are fit (Which I am not, Crossfit taught me that) my workouts are probably a joke. But for me, a guy who was until recently pushing 270lbs its tough work. Sure I’ve been lifting for years but lifting don’t get rid of the fat and it don’t prepare you for Crossfit.
Most days I go running/jogging/walking (More walking that the other two) in the hills. My long-term goal is to compete in a Crossfit sectional event. Since my cardio sucks, I’m doing the hills to conquer that beast. I don’t have all my Crossfit equipment yet so instead of waiting, I’ve been improvising and filling in with the hills whenever possible. My routine is simple; I get home from work, eat some dinner and prepare myself for the arduous task that awaits, the dreaded hills. They plain suck, especially since I have to push my fat ass, the jogger and a baby (Totaling another 55 lbs) up a hill.
Since I’ve begun my treks my fitness level has improved. To keep challenging my body, I continually find harder hills to climb. The newest hill I’m challenging plain sucks. It looks deceiving at first, it is paved and surrounded by beautiful trees and the occasional house but it is brutal for someone like me. I mentally prepare early in the day, usually by trying to find any excuse why I should not walk. After I’ve exhausted all my ridiculous excuses I give in and decide it just has to be done. After that my pre-torture routine is pretty standard. We drive to the local golf course, get the jogger ready, strap Montana (My Daughter) in, get the water, stick (For beating off a wild animal should one attack us) and cell phone ready and head out.
The first hill on my latest route sets the stage for the rest of the walk. It is a steep incline of maybe 1/4 mile. If I feel especially energetic I speed walk it, which usually results in my whining. The other day I uttered, “What if my legs are already shot” while wheezing to Mayra. She quickly responds something like “Then you have a long walk”, no sympathy in her tone.
As we travel along, the hills gets steeper and longer and the distances between flat areas become shorter. Finally when you’re really tired, the hill just goes up and up without a place to rest. At times it seems ridiculous that I’d be pushing all this weight up the hill. The first time I attempted this particular hill I could barely make it to the top without stopping numerous times. I remember sucking wind and wishing I knew where the top was. I even faintly remember wanting Mayra to go get the car and some ice cream all while I tried to control my panic breathing. At the top it’s not over, what goes up must come down and there is this ridiculously long, long, long strait steep road to travel down. It makes no difference whether you jog or walk down, by the time you’re done, your legs are through and yippee you have another half mile to go. Then up the last hill, which we sprint up and one final descent to the golf course. In short it’s the most brutal quest I’ve had to endure yet. All in all it sucks, but its fun to see that with a little work I’ve improved my times tremendously.
About a week ago we decided to add a change to our new course and tackled the hill in reverse, this time walking up the large straight away and back down the other side. No surprise this sucked as bad as the other way, but we got through it. I had been really starting to enjoy the punishment I was putting myself through when I had a bad experience. It was nothing as crazy as seeing a snake, falling or breaking something or being attacked by a bear. It was just one of those things you wish you could avoid, something I had not expected in a million years. I come jogging down this road, jogger in front, Mayra to the left and several yards ahead on the right, a man and a boy were standing next their driveway. The man was holding a small rifle in his hand, which looked like a black pellet gun but could have easily been a .22. He looked as though he was giving the boy lessons in shooting. As I passed by I called out in labored breath, hi how you doing. I get the response back in a stern tone, “That thing have an auto brake?” I quickly realize he’s talking about the jogger, I say yep “Me and my safety strap” holding up the safety strap around my wrist, I continue on. As I’m jogging I start to think about what he said and I come to the conclusion he thought it was unsafe for Montana to be in the jogger. What an ass I thought, Montana’s so well taken care of it’s ridiculous. She’s strapped in, we have water and the cover is over her head, how dare this freak think I would put her in harms way. What about his rifle next to his kids head, couldn’t that cause harm? Or what if it went off and hit my daughter?
Well it ruined my hill workout for the day. The next day we go the usual route and I swear this dude actually followed us in his SUV. A Suburban drives by really slow and the driver (who just happens to look just like the mad lecturer) stares at us. When he comes to the stop sign at the bottom of the hill he can’t decide which way to go, like his cover was blown. After pausing briefly he makes an awkward turn and speeds off. Then on the final stretch of our walk, he drives by again, craning his neck to keep his gaze locked on us. It was like he was tracing our route for future reference or something. At one point I actually feel guilty for something I may have done, then quickly dismiss the idea. It’s a free county I think to myself, and I’ll be damned if some do gooder is gonna tell me what’s best for my child. I’ll walk any hill I want (on public property) with or without a jogger and this guy can shove it if he don’t like it. I still don’t know if the gunslinger and SUV stalker were one in the same, but my conspiracy theory mind would love to think so.
Anyway I’m trying my own advice by staying positive, but sometimes it’s hard. Especially when you’re faced with negativity all around you. But that’s life, you can either go through life angry or happy and I think I’ll choose the latter.
Oh and fella if your reading this, I’m gladly, happily and in a positive way telling you to stick it deep, mind your own business and go eff yourself. Have a nice day!
My rant for the week.
See you in the hills.
Lance
